TOILET LEARNING:
We believe that toilet learning occurs naturally and easily when children show several signs of readiness before beginning the learning process.
Infant-toddler specialist Magda Gerber noted three types of readiness necessary for toilet learning:
- Physical: The child has bladder and bowel capacity and muscle control.
- Passes regular and predictable bowel movements
- Remains dry for 2 hours at a time during the day
- Cognitive: The child knows when he/she needs to use the toilet and is aware of what is expected to do there.
- Follows simple directions
- Attempts to wipe
- Pulls pants up and down independently
- Emotional: The child is ready to let go of a situation he/she feels comfortable with (using a diaper).
- Shows interest in the toilet
- Communicates a desire to try
NO PRESSURE!
As childcare specialist Janet Lansbury points out: “Toddlers have a developmentally appropriate need to resist [adults], and if [adults] have an agenda around toilet training, healthy toddlers are inclined to push back, even if they might have been otherwise ready to begin using the toilet.”
We will start the process once your child shows several signs of readiness. We will support – never force – the process with routines, opportunities, and curiosity. Our approach is, as Lansbury would call it, unruffled.
BUILDING SKILLS
From infancy, we engage children in the toilet learning process.
- We involve children instead of distracting them.
- We narrate what is happening as we change them.
- We use anatomically correct names for body parts.
- We acknowledge their attempts to communicate: “You are crying to let me know your diaper is wet!”
- We involve them in steps like pulling up their pants and handwashing.
AT HOME AND AT SCHOOL
We invite you to communicate with your child’s teacher when your child starts showing signs of readiness at home. We will also look for these signs of readiness at school. It is very typical for the child to show readiness at home before school. In a classroom full of friends, there are lots of external distractions!
At A Mother’s Touch, building executive functioning skills through play is a major focus during toilet learning years. Kids learn “at school I need to….”
- Say what I need! At school, outside of regularly scheduled classroom bathroom breaks, children need to approach a grown up to ask to use the potty, instead of waiting for a grown up to approach them.
- Pause play and re-enter. This can be hard. We prompt kids to tell their friends: “I’m still using this!” And we re-assure kids, “We’re saving this for you!”
Our activities and routines are intentional, giving children regular practice at building their ability to:
- Follow directions
- Start and stop a task with emotional regulation
- Focus attention (and filter out distractions!)
- Pay attention to their bodies
So even when we are not explicitly focusing on toilet learning, we are intentionally building some of the executive functioning skills that children need to be successful at this.
Tips from the Teachers
For additional guidance, we turned to Ms. Katrina, one of our Early Preschool teachers who supports children and families through toilet learning. Ms. Katrina has a Master’s Degree in Early Childhood Education and 15 years of experience working with young children in early childhood centers. She is quick to point out that toileting is one area where the child has complete control – nobody can “make” a child go. For this reason, adult expectations and pressure can slow the process. She stresses that just because a sibling/neighbor/classmate has learned to use the toilet by a certain age, it doesn’t mean your child should learn by that age as well. It also doesn’t mean that one child is on the fast track while another is behind. Children develop differently, and following a child’s cues really makes a difference. Ms. Katrina has found that children are very good at detecting adult agendas. Something like asking a child repeatedly about the potty can put pressure on the child and make the child resist and the process take longer. Instead, if your child is showing signs of interest in the toilet, you could establish a quick, low-stakes routine. For instance, just before getting into the bath, when your child has already undressed, you could suggest: “Let’s try to sit!” and take a quick opportunity to sit on the toilet before getting in the bath. Again, if met with resistance, a response like “Not today? Okay! Keep listening to your body,” only helps!
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